Dear readers (so to say Alice and people who read random blogs, cause no one's probably reading me anymore...), I have decided to write in English, beacuse, well, I fell like it, and because it seems right. Strange thing. Never mind that.
Anyway, it's almost 2 a.m. and I've got nothing better to do. There's a lot of people online...but I don't really want to talk. I feel like I need to write something. Like everything that has happened during the past months. Why haven't I written. Why I'm different now. Why everything has changed around me. I feel this void growing inside me, I need to fill it somehow. I need to fill it by saying everything.
It all started when I was dating Pablo, who I mentioned before. Everything was going perfectly. Or so I thought. Later on, Alice told me he used to lie to me, he told me he had to go (we spoke by chat, we were quite busy with school) but he just went offline and spoke to my so-called best friend. Well, I had thought everything was cool between us and that we were doing great. But we lasted less than a month and a half. He just broke up with me, said we had nothing in common. Which was true. But I enjoyed being with him, we spoke about our problems, our goals in life, our achievements, we explained each other what we liked...it wasn't that bad. We liked each other. Or so I thought (I'll explain this later, when the time comes). I sent a text to my friend Irina (I'll explain about her later, too), who was staying at Emie's place with Chloe. They phoned me immediately and I started to cry, because break-ups are always hard. Emie hardly spoke to me. She said "Hello, how are you?" and she passed the phone to Irina. Not a single "I'm sorry 'bout that" or an "Everything's gonna be alright" or a "That idiot didn't deserve you" from Emie. Not a single word that would make me smile or fell better. Actually, she continued speaking to that moron I used to call boyfriend.
Days passed by, I got the flu, spent more than a week at home. Pablo asked me to be friends with him, but I didn't want to. Why would I? I mean, if we broke up because we had nothing in common it seems stupid to go on talking, because that's mostly what we did while we were a couple, plus the special stuff. So I said no. But he pleaded, so I ended up saying yes. And, yeah, I already know that's crazy and stupid and that it'd only do me worse.
So we started talking to each other, online, like always, and we mostly asked about each other's day and try to make each other jealous. Yep, that's how mature we are. At least I know I'm much more mature than him, but we'll get to that later.
My birthday was coming up and we had fallen out a couple of times, but it wasn't that bad. The worst was about to happen. He said he wanted to come by on my birthday to congratulate me for turning sixteen (at last!) And I told him "Well, I guess that's OK, but my friends won't like that, except Emie, and they'll probably kill you if they see you". He said it didn't matter. We spoke the next day and he said something about meeting each other secretly. I was surprised he said that, because, technically, he was dating some girl named...well, I'm not going to say her name, let's just call her Choni. Well,that was a lie, but I'll get to it (it's a pretty long story, I know, but have in mind all this happened in about six months, and hasn't finished yet...yay *sarcasm*....). So I asked what did he mean by meeting secretly, because that surely sounds dirty... I just asked. And he got mad. He started saying that I only thought about sex, that I didn't care about feelings (not true), that I had hurted him, that I was a stupid immature girl and that I could go to hell. Well, he didn't actually said that, but I wasn't comfortable writing what he said, so I put it in nice words.
Well, I'm rather tired of writing now, my eyes keep closing and my back is starting to hurt from sitting straight this whole time. I'll write again, I promise, and I'll tell what happened. Wait I'll write that down on a post-it so I won't forget. Well, my dear followers and readers, I do have to go now.
All my love,